Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
