I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
