My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
