home. puking in laundry basket.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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