Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
