We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
