I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he thought i was a dude.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
