I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
