Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
