When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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