On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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