Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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