my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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