I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
