i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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