my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
