I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize