I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
