I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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