But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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