tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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