The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
