hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
