So drunk its hurt
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
