I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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