i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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