I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
