She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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