just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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