My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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