Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
