I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
