it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
