if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
