I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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