i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
