i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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