Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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