I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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