she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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