Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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