I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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