Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
