Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize