i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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