Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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