Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
