why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
