What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
