so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
