He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I love you.
Bad choice
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
