You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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