You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
