i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
