to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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