i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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