I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
