Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
