bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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