oh god the rape fog is back!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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