I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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