weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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