Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just high enough for therapy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
