he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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