I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
