Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
