she was so not down for the gang bang
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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