u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
