A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
