I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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