I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
