Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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