Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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