So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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