Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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