im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
