well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
