She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
