i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
