do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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