I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
