Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize