Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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