Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
