Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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