I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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