so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
