Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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